How to cope with breakup?

 First of all, hello guys; it's been a long time. I hope you all are doing well.

As cited above in the subject, today I will talk about the pain I am going through right now and ways I am thinking of coping with that.

Well, aren’t we being too formal? 

Hehe, my mistake.

Starting with the situations that led to my condition.

The main reason was my breakup, which happened on the 1st of April.

To be honest, people really want to pry into other people's lives, so I am going to skip the exact details but will try to give you the overview.

So we met in December, went on a couple of dates, and got into a relationship on 26th January. Every single moment spent with them was a blessing and no matter how many things I had to sacrifice for their happiness I was willing to do more but fate was not on our side. 

Whenever I was with them I would enjoy their presence as it was the last time I am going to be with them. And as conclusion, I couldn’t cry when they broke my trust and made it impossible for us to move forward.

Right now I may show that I am stoic from the outside but honestly I have been broken up from the inside.

The feeling of disappointment and the thought of not having a future together makes me feel suffocated. 

I have started experiencing panic attacks again in my sleep. I am sleeping a lot these days. 

I have realized that my life used to revolve around them and without them I am just trying to fill the space with gym, communicating with friends, and sleeping.

It was hard to imagine a life with them and now they are not here.

I keep getting back to places where I used to often meet them like the metro station, momo shops, etc. I remember sitting at the metro station yesterday for three hours straight and no matter how hard I tried to cry I was not able to do that.

I have been trying to not feel emotions like anger, resentment, hatred, and remorse over the fact that they broke my trust again and again.

I don’t blame them for anything as what they did and what happened to them can’t be changed. I know I should not communicate with them or be with them or meet them. But feelings don’t die no matter how hard I try I am unable to hold them. I love them for fuck’s sake and still, I can’t be with them breaks me into pieces.

I still wake up thinking about them hoping everything that has happened was a dream but it's real.

I have started going to the gym cause that's the only thing I know that would help me to cope with all of this pain. But gradually I found talking helps. Talking with your family and friends. Sharing your thoughts and emotions makes your mind feel light. Tell them everything that you feel comfortable talking about. And I know all of this is not enough but don’t lose hope it’s not the end of the world and even when you feel like you are worthless for feeling like shit tell yourself that's fine and everything will be okay just hold on like you always do.

Just know of all the people I am rooting for you. I wish to see you succeed.

You can do it.

I can do it.

I will do it.

I want to.

I am not that weak.

And even if I am that’s okay.

I hope to see you all soon

And I promise I will be back soon.