Problems

 I do not understand why people keep asking me if I am depressed or not?

I am not going to tell you even if I have depression. 

Sometimes as a test I do say," Yes, I have depression." to see their reactions. Either they get silent or say don't be depressed. Some of them did seem too concerned about me but anyway.

I am a very reserved person so I am going to keep an end to a lot of things with myself. But on rare occasions, I try to socialize with all the effort I can and  I can't see anything other than failure, rejections, and getting hurt.

And even that's okay to some extent as I am habitual but it doesn't mean I have to be treated like that. 

I have trouble waking up in the morning and it's on a serious level as on some days I miss my classes.

I tried to wake up early in the morning but that ended up me having a very bad day altogether.

So it's quite complicated now but I am trying. 

Moving forward whenever I am having a conversation with a classmate or a friend I  tend to present a rude side of me (  I don't why? ) which is not good as every conversation ends up with me distancing myself from them. 

I don't even remember when I last talked to my school best friend properly.

I hate the idea of liking someone because of their position and dancing in their palms just for the sake of it.

In the earlier part of this year, I tried to socialize as much as I could and it was successful for some time but eventually, I stopped putting effort to continue any relationships I formed during that time because it was boring for me.

I get bored very easily and it has become one of the worst toxic traits which I have accumulated over the past few years.

I stop talking, I stop caring, I stop trusting, and eventually, that's the end of it.

And the worst part is that I think I don't care which is so not true.

I get emotionally hurt very easily and people take this fact very lightly.

Which is more frightening for me.

Well, it's not I am all alone I have my anxiety and insecurities with me.😂😂

Truthfully I am not alone.

I have friends because of some emotional attachment or because they love me ( I don't know ) but I feel alone at the end of the day.

I feel secluded and disheartened.

I know I have done many productive things during the day but this fuckin introverted itch just doesn't go away.

Yep, that's the gist of it.

I will be back again in near future.

Bye.

You're beloved.