Nalayak

 Hello, guys today I am gonna talk about how I actually feel about that sandwich girl. Well, It can be boring but bear with me its in continuation with the previous posts. So let's get going.

My heart has been fooled once again after whole 8 years into thinking it's in love well I am more of a practical person so I am gonna ignore the upper statement because personally, I think it's more of an attraction rather than love.

I realized that I am attracted to her behavior, words, interests, thinking, and the way she says 'Nalayak' (stupid) to me but can it be called love I don't know. 

Do I think about her every day? 

Well, I think about many people every day but the thought of hers comes more often.

Do I miss her?

Not exactly but would love to meet her every day if the opportunity occurs.

So do I love her?

I seriously don't know but I do like her. 

So am I confused?

Maybe, maybe not.

So what actually I am trying is to remain calm and not think about it anymore so that it won't affect my mental health. And if it's real love I think I will realize is it much sooner than anyone. Well, I hope so.

So moving forward with our daily posts I actually have many fears and insecurities about my social life so I don't think I will be comfortable sharing with all of you. 

But I think I should be more accepting of my weaknesses rather than showing up a fake front. So I actually had the fear of being left alone so I would try to make as many friends I can make after my only friend left me due to his parents separating and from when we were in nurseries we were best of pals and we had the most fun together but separation struck these two kids like a truck.  

I actually use to cry when the school's last bell rang because I would have to wait for a whole 16 hours to meet him which was pretty much painful for me. 

After he was gone I made a decision to make many friends but that decision never worked in my favor I did gain an insane amount of connections but the void in my heart was always left empty. 

Until I stopped feeling anything and started to become a very toxic and selfish person. But one of my friends told me about my faults and asked me if I could work on them or at least take responsibility which actually changed my point of view of seeing this world.

I actually stopped caring what other people think about me and started to work on myself and started pursuing my actual interests rather than what was expected from me.

I started to fall but now I didn't need a hand to pull myself out of the pit now I had gained the strength to pull my own weight and stand tall again.

Which has led me to meet new people who seriously care about me, who don't need anything from me, and who are literally happy seeing me smiling and I love them for that. 

Deep down I still have those toxic traits but rather than suppressing them I am working on them so that I can be a better person for those who love me.

In reality, this was only going to be a draft but to be but I am posting it because I don't care anymore. 

I had my exam today. It went well.

I had my second hookah yesterday after a whole of two or three years. 

HOOKAH is overrated. It was not up to the mark. No offense but it is not worth destroying your body over something shitty like this.

But do take a try for yourself.

Trying is the only thing that will lead you to your best and worst experiences.

So never back away from trying unless it is a bad thing that can harm others as well as you.

Signing off.

Below is the pic of the park I go to every day.

The above pic is of my pet dog Ronny who died last year. I am not able to say anything for now but I will let you know in the future about him.